Michael M Jones (oneminutemonkey) wrote,
Michael M Jones

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Crooked Little Vein

I hate Warren Ellis.
12 pages into his new (and first) novel, CROOKED LITTLE VEIN, and I've laughed uncomfortably three times, muttered "Oh -GOD-" at least six times, and had to pause to scrub my brain once. By page 18, I'm sharing brief snippets with anyone who'll listen, because there's no way I can keep it all in my head. By page 38, I'm whimpering as he continues to violate my brain. After Godzilla bukkake and Tantric ostrich date-rape and Benjamin Franklin being anally violated by aliens... I think I'm numb.

I hate Warren Ellis.
A tenth of a way through this sordid, strange, weird book, he's dragged the "down and out PI" cliche into a back alley and made it cry, before stealing its pants and leaving it in a pool of its own filth. Right now, Warren Ellis is getting drunk while the archetype is in group therapy because of him.

I hate Warren Ellis.
Every page has something I never thought of, would have thought of, or wanted to think of. Every chapter has mad ideas, bizarre concepts, and Things No Man Should Conceive.

I hate Warren Ellis... because I envy his abilities to go beyond the norm. I'm not even sure he's human. No rational human being should be able to string together ideas and words like this.

Y'know... when I look at Warren Ellis, Alan Moore, Grant Morrison, Garth Ennis, Simon Green, and that ilk, I have to wonder if there's some sort of strange genius-inducing genetic insanity running through the British Isles. They just ain't right, you know?

And this is all after a mere fraction of CROOKED LITTLE VEIN. It's about a PI hired to find the lost "backup Constitution" of the United States. And that's the simplest way to describe it.

I may not survive this book.

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